


god, how he misses her laugh

by outofdimensions



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of alcohol, Sort Of, Swearing, UNDERSTAND?, also i hate the tv show so this is just the book characters in the situation of the show, but both of those are minor calm ur tits, clary's got no memory because that just how life do be sometimes, i just spent a minute trying to spell alcohol, i know i am not the best writer but im trying, i regret not writing simon into this, izzy's trying her best and we love her for it, jace is not trying his best but his gf doesn't know who he is so who's to judge, no?, ok listen this is techinally my first fic im publishing, ok that's enough tags enjoy reading or whateva, seriously how tf am i supposed to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24263404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outofdimensions/pseuds/outofdimensions
Summary: clary doesn't remember him and jace is just a big ball of angst. izzy's here to help him! sort of-
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Kudos: 15





	god, how he misses her laugh

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i dunno what this is either, i wrote this ages ago but i was like fuck it lets post this bad boy. 
> 
> side note; never refer to a fic as a bad boy

He misses her so much.

So fucking much.

He can’t eat, sleep, or even think about anything without seeing her in his head.

He remembers that night so clearly that it haunts him, the vision of her running out of the institute and seeing her for the last time before she faded into the darkness, only to never return. He can’t stand it anymore. His love, his life, his everything has forgotten him. But to love is to destroy right?

He can feel the tears burning his eyes, and the need to cry bubbles in his throat, this- this can’t be real right? 

“No!” Jace cries out in despair as he crumples to the ground, clutching the letter as if it’ll bring her back.

All he can feel at that moment are the tears as they overflow down his face, and his heart aching so badly it hurts the rest of his body. His mind is somehow blank, yet rushing with everything he can think of.

He stays in that position, crying, for as long as he can remember.

He’s just so fucking tired. 

*****

Jace walks up to a familiar Brooklyn apartment door, not even bothering to use an opening rune, because Simon told him he could have Clary’s old key to his apartment. Which, he thinks, might not be the best idea of all the time, considering what he walked in on a few nights ago, a memory he rather wishes he could forget. 

Pushing and turning the key through the door, he enters and automatically flops down on the blanketed couch, not even bothering to announce his arrival, and looks at the tv screen, which is paused mid way through a Mario Kart race, video games being something he has learned to love over the past few months of spending time with Simon.

He and Simon have gotten close. Really close, actually. He was the one person he would go to when he started acting up again. He was one of a few who wasn’t too afraid to call him out on his bullshit when it came to Clary, and he admired that. Of course he would usually go to Alec, but this was different, Simon had known Clary since 1st grade, and was the only person who missed her at an amount to rival Jace.

Simon doesn’t know he’s been sneaking off to see her though.

Walking to the kitchen to get a drink, a photo on the fridge catches Jace’s eye. It’s a photo of him and Clary that he’s never seen before. It’s strategically placed, carefully tucking itself behind another photo just enough to still be slightly visible. Clary is booping his nose and laughing while he’s asleep.

God, how he misses that laugh.

He stares at it until he feels someone coming up behind him. He knows by the smell who it is instantly, otherwise he would have his seraph blade out and at the ready.

“Hey Izzy” he sighs. He should have known she would be here. He looks back to the photograph.

Izzy stays silent before saying, “It’s a beautiful photo, I found it on my phone so I put it up a few days ago”

Huh.

“Jace.” she says, in the most soft Maryse like voice she can muster. 

She leads him over to the couch to sit, and he does with a huff. 

He looks up at her, preparing for whatever talk she’s about to make him sit through, the same one every single person in his life close to him has given. So he just stares at her until she speaks.

“I’m not going to lecture you.” she starts, pausing for a second to think of the right words. 

Here we go. He lowers his head so he’s staring at his shoes.

“I want to tell you about the last real conversation we had before…before....they took her memory.”

He’s honestly surprised. Izzy, his sister, who loves giving people a harsh reality check, is not going to tell him off? Jace is automatically intrigued by this.

“She came to me and asked me a question.” 

He can tell by her voice that she’s trying hard not to cry or let any emotion come out.

“She asked to be my parabatai”

His head shoots up quicker than it ever has before, and stares at her, tears now streaming down her face, matching his.

“And I said yes.” she says softly.

“I-” He can’t do this right now. He goes to Simon’s underdeveloped liquor cabinet. Izzy gets there before he does.

“Nuh uh!, I am NOT letting you do this again!” she yells

Go ahead and yell at me, see if it changes her coming back 

“How many more phases is it going to get you to realise there is NOTHING we can do?! First, you didn’t eat, then you didnt talk to anyone, then the sleep deprivation, THEN all out recklessness in the field! Don’t even get me started on the months you would go to bars and only have sex with girls with long red hair!! So if you think I’m letting alcohol addiction become the next thing, you are dead wrong!” she’s stopped now, and is red in the face with tears looking at him desperately trying to find any reaction she can. Anything at all.

He walks away from the cabinet and to the front door to leave, his ears ringing so loudly he can faintly hear Izzy yelling at him to come back, but he doesn’t care anymore.

*****

“She’s not coming back”

“Jace it’ll be ok, we’re here for you”

“We miss her too”

“It’s time to move on Jace”

“The more you obsess over it the worse it becomes”

“There is always someone else out there for you”

Didn’t they understand? Clary was the one. There would be nobody else who could replace her. No matter how many times he could try, it would never work. Clary was his, and he was Clary’s. Nothing in the universe could change the fact that he would love her until the day he died.

It’s been 7 months, and he’s going to get his girl back. Even if the angels come down and bitch slap him, he’ll do whatever it takes to feel their love again.


End file.
